emily (who_lime) wrote,

I am sitting here, on the brink of my world, wondering at the life of it all. The crickets are ringing into the blossoming night and the occasional shouts and laughter of happy people rise up like peaks in the backdrop of the nighttime symphony cresting the air. My best friend rustles beneath my chair, chasing stray leaves and errant bugs wandering by on their path to death. He is guarding me and he is guarding my sanity, my fragile heart, licking it healed with sandpaper gentleness. I love him, and recently I have been gathering love close with the greed of a jewel thief on a mission. It's faint but I am straining less and less to catch the echoes of our once shared summer magic. I close my eyes and rest my chin on the horizon, sliding my hair down along my back as I kiss the grey clouds peppering the twilight. It's the muted heat of a scorching day relenting, it's the chorus of fireworks and baseballs and nighttime crawlers, it's the breathless anticipation of adventure and thrill on the bareback of every sunrise. My life is growing clearer divisions. I used to drown in a whirlpool of grey, wracked by the torture of making the right decisions in an ecstasy of temptation. But I am beginning to see where the path lies, the one less taken and the one less regretted, and at the fork I pause longer and more often choose correctly. It's a slow transformation, but I am recognizing more and more the people I need to surround myself with to make it right. I miss yoga, I need it in my life, I still think about the blissful ache of settling into the pain. Twist yourself into submission, feel the deep strain of your muscles moving with grace, and then hit that pose and slither slowly into the hardest pain. Lean into the hurt, sink into the agony, and feel it mold you into a better being. My mind strays into familiar yet rusty patterns that excite me the giddiness of the girl I once was and once was happy being. I sit here alone but not lonely. Not anymore. I test my wounds to see if they're healed, and though they still throb pink around the edges the deepest injury is gone. It's like my happiness was drained from me until I was empty and now I am nearing my fullest once more. It's only a matter of time before my cup runneth over and my life is what I want again. Summer, good friends in good people, school, Scoot. This familiar life is back again, now I just need to not fuck it up like always. Good luck to me.
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