emily (who_lime) wrote,
emily
who_lime

I have things to say and no one to say them to. I've called friends so many times crying that it seems like I'm the girl who cried wolf once too many, and now I'll wait until I'm sure the fangs are out and the claws are in until I cry out once more. I don't know if this is worth it anymore. The pain and the doubt and the waiting and the let downs, for what? Because I'm scared to let it go? Absolutely. I've been hovering on the border of bliss, longing to reach it but unable to until he bends a little more for me. And now I've felt him pulling away, going through the motions without the conviction. I think we're just too oppisite. We've even taken turns convincing the other one that it won't work. That's either a sign that it's been doomed from the begining or we're perfect for each other, when one falters the other holds us up. Tonight I will be the one holding us up. I will be the one begging to give it another go. Begging to not give in, to work through it, offering to change. He's pulled me in so far that now I'll be the one shaken and broken if this ends. I just can't. How can I go to work and see him every day? How can leave the place I love and the friends I've made because we aren't working out? But how can I watch him be with anyone else? I just can't. So I'm left in agony yet again waiting until midnight, waiting for him, waiting to hear the news I know will crush me but I'll fight all the same. Nine hours and counting...let the torture continue.
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